Abuse: From all Angles


This major, but quite unexhaustive topic, ‘abuse’, especially in marriages, has become the most talked about in most circles, platforms, groups, and churches. As well known, abuse can happen in different forms and on different levels, irrespective of gender. It can happen both in marriages and out of marriages; it can happen anywhere and anytime. Somehow, we seem to mostly scratch it on the surface -when an incident occurs, we all empathize, some share their experiences, our emotions are usually all over the place and when something else have our attention, we move on. That in itself is not bad because life must go on. However, with recent occurrence of our Gospel Singer, we have serious discussions and education going on on various platforms. So the question is why the abuse in the first place?

Reasons for Abuse

Reasons for abuse does not make abuse is excusable! Some abuses are a result of how some children have been trained, what they have been exposed to or habits picked up from adults they may admire. Also, they may have had violent emotions/uncontrollable anger issues (could be temperamental) growing up which were never dealt with right from the scratch. It then becomes a weakness that needs to be dealt at an age when it is more difficult to deal with and breeds a monster.

Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong if two bonded friends/families (Jonathan and David in the Bible), have their children get married. The issue is that more often than not, the children may not necessarily have interest in each other, but if they are the type that seeks their parent’s approval and are people pleasers, then they may tend to bend over and go ahead with the marriage. In some cases, the children have no say in this or their parents are able to convince them. Usually, in such arrangements, if one sees his or herself as superior or doing the other a favor, then abuse is very likely. This also goes for some arranged marriages too outside friendship bonds.

Sometimes too, before we say ‘I do’, we see all the red flags(no need to explain right?) and we still go ahead; either because plans are far advanced with it’s accompanying cost or we are afraid of the stigma/tag that may come with calling off the wedding! Hey not an easy decision and action to take! In the same vein, we hardly discuss serious and major issues of life, not even hypothetically to get each other’s genuine views. Of truth, we cannot know a person enough, but we still need to cover the basics!

Do we ever stop loving a person? Well some people just fall out of love. I have also maintained that, yes relationships/marriages definitely requires effort to make it work and ‘it takes two to tango’. We must note that every relationship is in phases and one of them is the latent phase where everything seems inactive. You have not necessarily fallen out of love – NO! If for some reason one partner wants out and the other part has done all the needful (discussing, counseling, praying, etc.), then probably it is better to part ways. It is one of the reasons/excuses for abuse.

Total dependence on a partner, especially, financially can breed grounds for abuse. Total dependence on some partners naturally overburdens them and in their frustration abuse the dependent partner, if they feel the other partner is not pulling his/her weight.

Low self-esteem of one’s self is such a killer! An easy prey for any abuser. Naturally there are people who have low self-esteem due to temperaments vis-a -vis their certain experience and/or upbringing. Some people naturally will take undue advantage to exploit.

Some partners, usually the men tend to treat their spouses as children when the age gap is wider. They subject them to verbal and physical abuse, which stems from recognizing the spouse as a partner and according the needed mutual respect. Such spouses tend to be extremely jealous and possessive.

Some partners are just ungrateful. When they have nothing and have not achieved much in life, they are the most humble persons you could ever come across; however when their spouses have sacrificed and paid the price to help them attain achievable heights in life, that is when they know to abuse them to make them feel powerful and in control. Also, to deprive the spouse from enjoying the fruits of their sacrifices and support.

Like I said earlier, reasons can never run out and yet the other reason maybe NO REASON at all! Some others don’t have any reason or need to abuse…let’s just say it’s in their genes. They just cannot stand to see you happy!

What we need to understand/do or not do

First off, irrespective of the situation and and who may be the perpetrator or victim, we have to restrain from being judgmental. We are usually quick to state that the victim should have left and done one thing or the other. We need to understand that the victim who has been grounded to the lowest point of no self-esteem, need a whole psychological overhauling, and that in itself is a process! Also, we owe to our fellow human, as our civil duty to at least report if we suspect any such occurrences so due action is taken. We should not see it as being in another person’s business…or maybe it’s just about time we are. If we will report theft and other social vices, then it’s time we start seeing abuse as one of those to be reported! Again, let’s guide both to seek professional help, especially if they are family and close friends (provided we are trustworthy). It is also important that we are financially independent (NB: not rich). The money may not be much but at least it can take care of our petty/personal needs. At least we are not totally dependent on our spouse.

Parents, let us train our children the right and Godly way. Both girl and boy child should be taught all house chores holistically, to be trained to have mutual respect for each other (no one is superior/inferior to the other). Again parents should not over pamper their wards, ignore their negative attitudes/behavioral excesses and above all not show undue favoritism. Also, knowing each child’s temperament and dealing with the weaknesses of it, will go a long way to groom the child into a better adult. Parents have to be intentional in educating children on certain vices alongside teaching the virtues. Do not unduly chastise your children, mistrust and/or shut them out (Don’t breed monsters for society to deal with).

My dear victim, all is not lost, you can definitely be free from all this! Heed to advises and calls to support! Stop making excuses for your partner! You can always become a better person though it won’t be an easy journey, but know you are one strong being and very capable of mastering that self-confidence and bounce back! Just get ready for the long haul – the sneers, snide remarks, trolling, but you definitely will come out victorious! There will still be care, love and support from loved ones. And just so you know, do you because you need no one’s approval to leave (stay for that matter).

Perpetrator, what I will tell you is that you have the will power to resist from this menace! Acknowledge that you are either a weakling or just wicked for no reason(you may have ‘your’ reasons)- either way you need professional help or it could end in disaster for you (jail term could be the least). We need you to be a better person, the very image of God you were created in.


This brewing canker is a menace which needs all hands on deck to fight it. From the home, church, school, legislature, human rights and civic groups; society at large need to tackle this heads on. We are all involved to make our society better and safe. Shall we?

To my siblings, friends, family, gospel artistes and other loved ones who have gone through abuse and come out, I say kudos to taking that bold step in the right direction! If you have been through the overhauling process, grateful to God for you, lend out a hand to others. If you are still in the process, don’t give up on you, you will get there! To those whom we lost, we pray respite for your souls!



The journey back home can be full of joy or so painful. Well maybe you can determine which it is or will be for you when I’m done with this write up.

Where do I even start from. Let’s define home in this context: fellowship with God, self -realization (Like the story of the prodigal son in the Bible: Luke 15). For the sake of those who do not know the story, I urge you to read the Bible. In light of the this journey back home, like I said earlier , its not an easy one.

First of all, getting to the point of being tagged a “prodigal son”, means you have rebelled against your Father in heaven due to sin. Let me take us a bit further; no sin is bigger than the other, but we agree some things become more of a habit and difficult to deal with. For instance, telling lies, drunkenness, anger, etc. If you are a child of God, you know that naturally these things, by virtue of no one’s fault or any particular formula, draws you further away from God. Naturally your fellowship becomes flawed, and some cases virtually non -existent. At this point you are a “prodigal son”.

Next, while in your “wilderness”, away from Papa’s cover under his wings, you are so steeped in your ways and wiles, you care less you about anything…sometimes you fall into what apostasy and may never recover. But the joy is that it is not Papa’s desire for you to get to the point of apostasy or stay there…’out of home’. Further more, you can come to that self- realization; I would strongly state it as conviction by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit doesn’t condemn you for your sins, you are convicted and you come to that state of realization of your folly. At this point; like the ‘prodigal son’ did, you trudge on to find your way back ‘home’ to Papa.

If you have read or know the story of the ‘Prodigal Son’ well; you will remember that the son’s father was on the lookout for his son – as a father he had not given up on his son and kept hope alive that he will one day come back home! By this we should know that indeed Papa is always on the lookout for His children, especially, the prodigal son, the one who has gone astray, the lost sheep. This Christ epitomized when he gave the brief story about how the good shepherd will definitely leave his ninety-nine sheep who are safe and go look for the lost one till it is found.

The process of coming back can be painful, slow and stressful. The devil will have a field day screwing with your head and your heart. Remember how the Prodigal son was wondering whether to go back or not? Will he be accepted? Will he be forgiven? Will he be loved as before? Will he be regarded or treated as a son? It’s yes, yes and yes!

So make that tough decision to take the lonely journey right back home! Papa waits…!

Drafted: March 2018

Completed: April 2022@GAL@Kolina

Sikaman Awards 2020

y3 dedeee y3 dedeeee!!!!!
2020 was bae!

Nana A Damoah

Compiled by Nana Awere Damoah

Contributors: Reuelah Addae-Mensah, Samuel Fahren Otoo, Theo Osei, Nii Okai, Seth Bokpe

This year’s Awards were sponsored by GHBasket.com, WearGhana, Booknook.store, Chopbox Express, Buelandland Flowers, Queens of Hats, Kasuwah.store, Beulahland Floral Products & Services, Horseman Shoes, Smino Detergents and Meannan Foods.

This year’s Awards are dedicated to the memory of my friends Sena Dey and Kotei Neequaye and to all our loved ones who departed in 2020.

  1. Losses of the Year: Too many to count. When we reflect back on 2020, deaths will be one of the key highlights, with some high profile names: nationally, globally and personally. 2020 opened with the death of Koby Bryant and Nana Akwasi Agyeman (Okumkom) and ended with the death of ex-President Jerry John Rawlings and Maradona. Also everyone experienced a close loss. May the departed souls rest in perfect peace.
  2. Most Significant Event of the Year: The global…

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I Learnt That:

A- B- U- S- E

So much have gone on about abuse in relationships at all levels, especially marriage. In the light of its reawakening with a devastating incident that sent the world cringing, I learnt the following:

  1. You can’t change or help people when they are not ready and willing
  2. People change based on their unmet needs and how they intend to satisfy it
  3. Seek professional help when you need to
  4. Close your ears, eyes and mind to what society may say, perceive or think; they are not in your shoes.
  5. Always important not to ignore your strong convictions, instincts, prompts (Holy Spirit speaks to us)
  6. By all means let love lead and rule, but apply wisdom: There is the God-factor and the human-factor
  7. Parents in your bid to make stronger your friendship bonds, do not unequally yoke your children: you won’t be there forever, they are not your pawns
  8. Growing up together and being groomed together from childhood doesn’t guarantee you are meant to be together or you will have a good marriage.
  9. Do not compromise on what you cannot manage in a relationship
  10. Be bold and courageous, trust God to guide and take necessary steps


Chicken Behavior

So true! Make I shine my eyes eeehhh

Chronicles of a Savannah Boy

Dear Nii Kpakpo,

I have developed a new hobby and it’s not like it’s particularly new but this is based on something I read about Stalin’s practical demonstration of political power of keeping the people oppressed and they still keeping you as their savior.

Lemme just gist you the story then I’ll get back to my hobby. So Stalin in trying to demonstrate how to keep the masses oppressed caught a chicken, plucked it’s feathers and beat it up pretty good then let it go lie in a corner. He left it there for a while but when he want back he threw a few grains from his dinner table and left a trail after him as he walked away. The chicken with its feathers plucked and beat-up still followed him for those grains until he got to his seat amongst his council.

Anyemi, this story really got me thinking…

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I Learnt that:


If you are like me, many a times you want to end your day and be sure you are fulfilled or better still spent. You want to be sure you achieved, met a deadline or assure yourself you are on track. Sometimes in such times, consciously or unconsciously, you are sure to be under some level of tension. I give my self time and space to take a breather or celebrate, depending on what has been achieved.

Lately, when i go into the ‘breather’ or ‘celebration mode, I realize that I tend to spend too much time there! Heeey who taught me that?!

But taking heed from my life manual, my Bible, which cautions me to wake up, not to be sluggish, for a little slumber or sleep will cost me! So yes, we ‘breathe’, we ‘break’, we ‘celebrate’; but by all means NO SLACKING!


GH on Troll

I heard it started with two ladies, of two generations apart; the younger looking older and the older looking younger..waow! Anyway that was barely my business, because I thought, celebrities and their social media issues.

Then suddenly there’s a ‘Papano’, which somehow is being used even as far as Parliament, with people assuming they know who the ‘Papano’ refers to. The next thing, I hear is, ‘Papano vrs Akokorano’, with the ‘Abrantie no’ popping in somewhere there. In all these I only got the gist if it till I listened to a new found sister, Ama Manson! She nailed the issue right on the head about the moral degradation of our society. She managed to set me thinking to when I was younger.

Society was sweet to live in, with the average well meaning person caring for his or her neighbour willing and freely, without fear. I remember growing up, some older men will approach you and tell me how much they admired me for one thing or the other. And most of them genuinely meant it. They were willing to support if they could( they were or did not feel obliged), teach you or tell you about the field of study and work, etc. So for me encountering older men as I grew up was more of a learning process for me.

I remember during my national service, a friend and I used to go the high court to get stories for news casting. The Judge then, called us to his chambers and subsequently after commending us for our initiative, encouraged us to be hardworking. He became a friend who always advised at every turn and was quick to support! And even after I married we kept contact. There were others along the line, but my experiences were hardly anything sexual. Even in that you DARED NOT make it too open, because society could give you thrashing without as much as knowing whether there was sexual relations or not.

But here we are, today even when you get a lift, more often than not, there is a hidden agenda! We have degraded so low, that married men openly and shamelessly ask for relationships with side chics ans vice versa. Ok no problem. I mean who am I am to judge?! But to have both the ‘Papanos’ and ‘side chics’, not respecting themselves and in public too, is NO NO! I mean both factions are just spewing so much immaturity that they are not just washing their dirty linens on international platforms oooo, they have rendered us as a society stark naked! Yes, stark naked!

Who in days or times past will kiss and tell, but today we have no shame whatsoever. Telling and ‘overtelling’ and implicating even those who are minding their business.!

And the ‘Papanos’, if you were not passing these ‘Flavour’s thingy among yourselves your names may not be coming up. But like I said who am I to judge! Let’s go back and clean our mess! Its so so pathetic!

GHnians have respect, let’s do our homework and get it right back. Let’s stop the trolling!

AfiaLarbi@ 18/08/2020

I Learnt that:


I once heard from a renowned preacher and teacher that, there are times we think about certain things we need or things that bother us, without necessarily praying to God about it, yet we assume just the thought of it means we prayed.

I wondered how possible?!

Lately, a lot of things seem to run through my mind, sometimes I’m talking to God like I’m talking to myself. Suddenly, this morning, this thought shared by the preacher came to mind, and the question I asked myself was:

Am I really thinking the things and not praying about them?

Is talking to God like I am talking to myself pass for a prayer?

Then a word struck, of course God knows our every thought, every need, every sigh and what it means, so obviously whether I think it or talk to God hears, knows and sees. That stopped me from fretting about my prayers.

All the same, not undermining prayer as a deeper communication with God, especially as He taught us to pray; I guess in all the mix He still understands because, His thoughts will always be higher than ours and His ways cannot be our ways.

AfiaLarbi@ 17/08/2020

Unspoken law

True definition of love indeed!

Joseyphina's World

When I say I love you

It means I commit to pray for you

And wish you well on your endeavors

Make your burden mine

Your success my joy

Your anxiety my prayer request

When I say I love you

It means I commit to care for you

Comfort you with my presence

Hear you out and help you out

Whenever you need me to

Receive your affection as I give it right back

When I say I love you

It means I commit to have your back

Defend you in and out your presence

Stand up for you when you feel too weak to do so yourself

Be the steady shoulder you can lean on

Empathize with your fears and not dismiss them

When I say I love you

It means I commit to be true to you

In my counsel, feedback and conversations

Be honest withholding all judgment

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